How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
