I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
