Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
