Pants 0. Shit 1.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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