i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
