did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
