im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
