I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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