he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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