oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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