i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
