I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
