You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
