dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
