it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
