i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
