the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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