When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want to make out with him forever
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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