my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
