I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
