So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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