Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
