What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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