I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
