you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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