It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
