Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
