i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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