we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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