you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
