and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
