I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
