im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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