its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
