went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
