Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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