The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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