i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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