Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
