Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
