i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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