I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
