sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
