I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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