He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
