Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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