ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
