What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if only i could text you this smell
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
