i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
