Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
