I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
