I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
